Sick

Today's post was going to be about how to survive corporate functions like annual company dinners. That has to wait cause I have a new, fun topic called being sick.

1) Taking sick days from work sounds really fun while you are at work. But when you are at home and sick, it's not so fun. I bet that if you have children, it gets even less fun. What's really funny is that you are tired of staring at this at work (yes, I have two monitors):

And instead spend time at home staring at this:

And yes that is my actual TV that I went to Samsung's website to get a picture of cause I couldn't have a stand in I told you I'm feeling better.

2) Cooking meals for yourself is fun until you can't breathe from the amount of snot in your nose and it feels like the razor blades you should use to shave your hairy legs have lodged themselves in your throat in protest. Then you end up wasting $12 worth of flank steak, $5 worth of shitake mushrooms, $2 worth of green beans and other $ worth of other ingredients and spend countless number of dollars getting delivery. But because the cruel, cruel world wants to punish you for being sick, single, and having a thing about left overs from restaurants, you have to spend 5x more money than you need to in order to get them to bring you anything. And then you have two salads, two drinks, two cookies and one order of raspberry lemondae and you don't like restaurant leftovers.

3) Having a diabetic cat never sounds fun. And it isn't. Especially when he gets blood all over your clean sheets and you have to wash them and make the bed by yourself. And you have a cold. And 1/3 of the reason you have a housekeeper is to make the bed for you. Cause you don't understand how, no matter how long you live, or how much you understand statistics, you can ALWAYS pick the wrong side of the fitted sheet.

4) Sleeping a lot sounds fun until you are so congested that all you can do is cough and turn from side to side. You people who believe in inelligent design explain to me which part of the intelligence was it to make my left and right sinuses connected cause I'd sleep a hell of a lot better if I didn't have to keep emptying one out.

5) Playing video games is fun. Except when you are too sick to pay attention to them.

6) Having your period is never fun unless you are 16, didn't use a condom and don't have to have that talk with your mom. It's especially not fun during the 2008 cold of death.

And so dear virus, we part. My highly evolved badass immune system kicked you out but not before you kicked my ass for the better part of a week. I'm sure you slipped in while I was vomiting from the company dinner... the survival of which is the topic of my next post.