Candidate of Change

This year, change is really important to the Presidential candidates of both parties. I have no idea why all the sudden everyone’s all worried about change. As a result, in this post, I will examine the dynamics of change and why it is so important in the coming election.

Making Change

Most candidates want to make change. Most candidates think they are better at making change than the other candidates. I think there’s a simple way to test this: make them spend 2 hours working a cash register. You get thrown all kinds of change combinations at a cash register.

Here are a few examples:

Example 1:

Total: $2.16
Cash: $5.00
Change:

Example 2:

Total: $6.66
Cash: $10.06
Change:


Example 3:

Total: $12.55
Cash: $22.55
Change:


Or, if the cashier is annoying (like Ron Paul), they'll give you this.

To which you say, "I didn't give you that clever amount of cash so you could fuck it up with all those ones."

Anyway, making change is really important in a President ause you don’t want some doofus who can’t tell if the cashier at McDonald’s is ripping him off. Or her. Whatever. But right, imagine if she’s at the Saudi Latte Store and the dude gives her incorrect change and the Saudi President’s all "WAHAHAHAHA you are so dumb that you can’t even get correct change." I get it. So vote for the person who can best make change.

Embodying Change

So some candidates say they embody change. According to the dictionary, embody means to give a body to. So these people want to give a body to change. One wonders if Hillary wants to give her body to change. Or if she wants to give our bodies to change. It’s everyone’s worst nightmare: pockets full of change.

Or if it’s going to be invasion of the body snatchers and we will all be taken over by change. Personally, if I were taken over by change, I’d want it to be something cool like the Sacagawea dollar. Why? Cause Sacagawea is a cool fucking name and dollars are worth more than quarters, duh.

Why Change is Important

So, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I’ve realized why change is so important. It’s because for years, decades even, people have been abusing change. My very own dad just used to just put it in jars and let it sit, ignored and neglected for years! In fact, I used to go and take quarters from his change jar just to liberate them. Change is such an important part of our society. It helps build muscles when I have too much of it in my purse. It makes you feel good when you find it on the street. It's almost as though change is what America is all about.